I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
