If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
