My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
