How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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