YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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