I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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