I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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