I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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