how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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