Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
