let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
