didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize