Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
