Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
