JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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