I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
