I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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