i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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