he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
