My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Michael Bay diarrhea
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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