Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
