I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
