Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
