I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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