i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
