Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
