Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
