He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
