is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I forget how to act sober
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
