oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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