You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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