You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
