I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My vagina just recognized that song.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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