Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That accounts for only three of the penises
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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