The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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