I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
