I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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