So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can you bring me the toilet please
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
