i just wanna soil my oats bro
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Randomize
