I wish I could punch you in the face.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
