Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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