the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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