She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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