you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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