Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
