I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Michael Bay diarrhea
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
