Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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