toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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