2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize