Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
