I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The Olympian is in my bed
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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