Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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