I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
