I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
