I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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