I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
