did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
