Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
