hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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