He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
