Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize