i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
