you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
