i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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