No awkward lesbian experiences without me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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