i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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