he puts the penis in happiness.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
