I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
