Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
