I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈ðŸ˜
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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