you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize