you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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