Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
