i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How external is "for external use only"?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
