did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
