I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
