and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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