when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Shame is for Republicans.
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