My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
