I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
