you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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