i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
