is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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