he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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