I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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