Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
