Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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