Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
