And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
