Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
