Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
