why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
