Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize