I wish you could order shots online.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
