you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I smell like Dick and happiness
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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