Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Randomize
