i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
