that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm too high and old for this...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
