oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
