Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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