literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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