Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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