I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
