My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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