We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
