Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
