I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
