Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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