she was so not down for the gang bang
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
