can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Randomize
