If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
