The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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