Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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