remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
