Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
