I don't usually arrange sex via text message
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
