when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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