You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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