That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
